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The modern stars who are doubles for the legendary celebrities of the Sixties...more
Dropping bombshells: The disposal experts are called to the Peacocks' back yard in Coronation Street. Meanwhile, in Home And Away, when Sally tends Brad's wounds, the pair can no longer control their passion
Where would soap characters be without their mobile phones? Gone are the days of surreptitiously slipping out to red phone boxes to call lovers; now, all communication is done by mobiles - which means that everyone is caught out more quickly when they stupidly leave the device at home.
In EastEnders this week, Tanya was suspicious because Max's mobile was off - as if having the words 'I am sleeping around' were not all but tattooed on his forehead. Stacey never sells any clothes on her stall because she is so busy texting him.
Phil's love life is being ruined by Ben's mobile because the lad keeps texting him to ask him to come home, when he is either working or out with Stella. And over the years, Ian's ear has slowly been worn down by permanently having a phone attached to it.
Coronation Street's Peter Barlow was able to keep up his bigamous lifestyle almost exclusively on his mobile; the Hollyoaks students have no time for work because they are always on the phone; and in Home And Away, mobiles are essential and the only way anyone is alerted to the presence of the many kidnappers, thieves and killers who appear to populate Summer Bay.
But this constant beeping as messages are transferred is driving me beserk - I keep leaping up to get my phone. Bring back the days when messages were sent by pony.
Coronation Street
One of the most depressing pieces of news is that Wendi Peters, who plays Cilla, will be leaving the show in the autumn. She is so, so funny, with great comic timing. Cilla's promise of a roast dinner for Chesney this week was a riot. Just as the boy's face lit up at the prospect of such a feast, the microwave pinged. 'There it is!' cried Cilla. Hilarious.
On Monday Chesney has even more excitement when he gets his hands on Kirk's metal detector, which reveals something in the Peacocks' back garden. Eileen, who is baby-sitting there, is none too happy to find him digging up the lawn.
What has happened to Eileen's life, by the way? Does she do anything apart from baby-sit these days? Claire and Ashley's baby, Steve and Tracy's, Jason's - whatever happened to her being able to while away half-an-hour in the pub? It is clear that Chesney is not going to have the luck that Kirk enjoys with the detector on Sunday, when an onslaught of soldiers and a bomb-disposal squad arrives at the scene.
Amazingly, Tracy doesn't get to bed any of the lads, which must be the longest any man has ever been in the vicinity without her managing to have done so. She is much too worried about the prospect of having to sleep with David, though, who, without having been on holiday, suddenly looks as if he has been bathing in hot chocolate.
His dubious tan still does nothing to endear him to Tracy, and in order to stall him, she says that she will sleep with him - but not until after the trial. Come on, Tracy, he's not daft. She, however, is, and is so freaked out by David, that she confides in Steve. Oh, dear. Maybe she'll have to kill him now, as well.
We all know that Steve cannot keep his mouth shut, and on Friday, when he hears that Sonny has proposed to Michelle, he blurts out that Sean and Sonny are having an affair. Of course, nobody believes that he really has Michelle's best interests at heart, and Lloyd has to escort him out of the pub. Leave it, Steve: you'd never be able to afford to keep Michelle in hair dye.
EastEnders
Just when things were hotting up with potential psycho Stella, she disappears again next week and we are back to the tedious Stacey/Max/Tanya stuff. Why is it, with the Stacey character, that every time she has a new plot, it goes round and round in circles for months?
Her mother Jean, Ruby, and now Max - on and on they go, and the girl isn't even treated to a new coat as a thank you for having to endure it all. She hangs around that stall, looking like the Abominable Snowman, frowning every time Max looms into view. She is so pretty, as we saw when she was smiling at the restaurant this week (a small miracle!); yet keeps being given these Mogadon storylines.
On Monday she tells Max that she is finishing things between them (here we go again), but on Tuesday is all over him (again). And you're not going to believe it - on Friday they are in the loo at the Vic (again), with Stacey demanding to know why Max stood her up. Doesn't anyone else ever use the ladies' at the Vic?
Apart from Tanya, no one has been in it since Max and Stacey made it their love nest. And even Tanya didn't manage to catch them redhanded. I've heard of the first flush of love and all that, but do Max and Stacey have to take it quite so literally?
When Tanya spurns Sean's advances on Tuesday, he returns his attention to Chelsea, and on Friday Max finds them in a compromising position at the salon. Immediately believing that Sean is with Tanya, Max takes a swing for him before he discovers the truth. Ugh. You wouldn't want to have a treatment in that room again in a hurry.
Emmerdale
How posh they are getting in Emmerdale. It used to be the case that only one token family was allowed to live the Champagne lifestyle, but now everyone seems to be at it. Tomorrow Perdy arranges a black-tie dinner with a client and invites Paul, Katie and Jonny along. What she doesn't know is that Jonny is gay, which is a little surprising, given that her husband is - sometimes.
At the dinner, she becomes convinced that Gray fancies the young farrier, who is also propositioned by Katie. All's well that ends well, when Paul and Jonny go off for a drink. To make amends for her lack of trust in Gray, on Monday Perdy buys him a piece of modern art (not from Hotten, I suspect); meanwhile, Paul and Jonny take a walk in the country, which is still going on on Wednesday. I'll say this for those boys: they have plenty of energy.
The big news of the week is that Tootsie gives birth on Thursday, but there are worries for Edna on Friday, when it seems as if one of the Dingle dogs might be the father. Let's hope it's one of the canines and not Shadrach.
Hollyoaks
You can tell it's almost spring because the soaps' obsession with ducks is starting up again, although I don't ever remember Hollyoaks having gone down this path before. 'We'll go to the park, shall we,' said Steph, to baby Charlie on Tuesday, 'and find some ducks to feed?' Yes, and then we can bring them back and give them to Tony to fry up at Il Gnosh, as he never seems to have any food orders arriving.
Jessica Fox is wonderful as the grief-stricken Nancy, and the character's stress intensifies on Monday as she and Jake struggle to look after Charlie while dealing with their feelings. Nancy is especially distraught when she finds a keepsake box belonging to her late sister Becca.
Gerard McCarthy has also been amazing as Kris, and totally believable as his character tried to come to the terms with the fact that he had been diagnosed as HIV+ (which he wasn't). On Thursday he and Jessica are at each other's throats again, but on Friday they make up. Bet she won't be leaping into bed and having unprotected sex again in a hurry.
The Flash products might have to come out in the Barnes' family household on Tuesday, when it looks as if Amy is about to give birth on the kitchen floor. Mike and Sarah, who know nothing about the pregnancy, are understandably shocked, and even more so on Wednesday when they discover that the baby's father is a lad Amy met in the local park. Never happened to me, but then I was always more impressed with the roundabout and swings.
High spot of the week: a bare-chested Calvin, for the whole of Monday's episode. More, please.
Home And Away
Summer Bay now has to be among the most violent places on the planet. Barely a week goes by without someone being tied up, killed, burgled or kidnapped. Johnny's gang broke into Amanda's place this week - naturally, she had left her door unlocked, as everyone continues to do. Have they all lost the keys to their houses?
They have certainly lost the keys to their wardrobes, which is why they all continue to walk around half-dressed. Even Jack, in hospital, has only a vest to wear. Maybe he is spending all his money on the heavy mascara he applies for every episode.
On Tuesday Brad takes his shirt off, after he is beaten up, and Sally offers to tend to his bruises. And we are promised more semi-nakedness on Friday, when Sam and Jack arrive at the pool for the latter's rehab training session. I suspect it will be him, not her, going topless. Don't forget that waterproof mascara, Jack.
Neighbours
Will life ever be normal for Susan and Karl? Still furious at the way the pair meddled in her pregnancy, Sky announces on Monday her intention to report Karl to the medical board for his mistakes. Surprisingly, Karl agrees that she has good cause and on Tuesday gives up his medical career. Oh, no: does that mean he'll have more time for his singing?
Add your comment | View all Comments (70) 70 people have commented on this story so far. Tell us what you think below.
Here's a sample of the latest comments published. You can click view all to read all comments that readers have sent in.
I wish the soaps wouldn't keep following each others story lines, pregnant teenagers, grandsons turning up etc, even the same names recur time after time.
Variety is the spice of life not more of the same.
- Rose Howard, Milton Keynes, England
I am really into soaps now. My favourite story so far is Bradley and Stacey. One question that has been running over my mind for ages is that why has Bradley always got rosy red cheeks whenever I see him in Estenders? I also think that the world would not be the same without Jaci Stephen!
- Jody Stanger, Bowdon
I was interested to read CW's comments about Nana Moon's relationship to Jake and Danny Moon and thought I would check on the 'family-trees' listed on the BBC's Eastenders website. (I know 'sad'). Anyway it seems Nana Moon wasn't Jake and Danny's Grandmother. Danny and Jake's Grandfather was John Moon, brother of William Moon who was married to Nana Moon. Well I'm sure that's set everyone's minds at rest.
- Claire, Cardiff
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